Don't be afraid..I'm right here for you.

2005-05-21T13:25:00.000+08:00

Today I'm still smiling, breathing and living. Does it surprise you?

Anyway today is saturday but before I knew it it would be a was. Whatever. Today will be a boring and useless day, just like any other day. I could feel it in my veins. Too many things to do, too little time left. But big deal. Cheers to all who have the same thoughts as me.

2005-05-19T23:43:00.000+08:00

Today was a hectic day of peace. Contradicting but true.

»Got up late but make it to manage to catch the bus.
»Learnt that I got A2 for my chinese. Great but not so great.
»After school was just plain going home. It's pathetic but I actually wasted the whole afternoon sleeping.
»Feeling naueaous now.
»Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.
»Rest in peace ,my friend.

2005-05-18T21:02:00.000+08:00

Done this blog skin a few weeks ago but did not post it up.

Exams gone and forgotten. =D I'm just so happy. Anyway got 3As and 3 fail. LOL. Should I be glad or upset?

2005-05-07T14:45:00.000+08:00

I thought I was really going to die on thursday that's why I post that entry. So that people would not think of me as a weakling from their memory, so that people know that I'm in a state of clear mind just before I die. But anyway I did not end up dying so I am still breathing as you can guess by now. Afterall there's no blogspot.com in heaven or hell.

It was not a planned suicide, that was only an accidental suicide. You see I'd end up taking 8 painkiller at one go without reading the prescription and it said " Do not exceed 2 in eight hours". I was so jolly glad and freaking out at the same time. Glad because I might just die in the end and freaking out because whatever religion I believe in might not be the truth when I finally meet god. But anyway I survive ,which was a bit of disappointment for me, I was hopping that I could skip history and physic exams but too bad life's like that.

By the way , the reason I wrote this entry is not to gain people's sympathy or hoping that people shove their fake and concern face right under my nose as some already did whenever I post a sad entry. So get lost if you are planning another hypocrite attack on me.

2005-05-05T23:31:00.000+08:00

Weakness, I hate weakness. Signs of weakness, all these I detest. Commiting suicide is one of those. Of course, unless the individual lost all sense of commitment to living, he may. But ,only unless all else fails.

I hate showing faults, cracks ,sign of individual weakness, so I won't. But the final step might be near for me.

For your eyes only.

2005-05-01T17:42:00.000+08:00

I don't know what to say now. I wished all this would end soon. Anyway, going food shopping later. So see ya.

If you cauld only see

2005-04-28T17:48:00.000+08:00

I'm not writing about my life here because seriously I have no life out there. And it's time I face the pathetic truth about getting a life and hopefully it won't be a pathetic one.Whatever.

Today I felt so neuseus and I felt like fainting or fake fainting. Yeah, whatever. Gosh I felt so copped up with stuff and tommorrow Chinese paper and I did not even realise that. But big deal.

Anyway I'm going to study later. So see ya.

2005-04-24T13:51:00.000+08:00

2005-04-24T10:35:00.000+08:00

My happy ending

Somehow I knew this could not end
We don't need to wait
till the last summer of our days
As I sat right next to you
I could feel your heavy breath
I realised I could not take away your pain
--Nor my endless loneliness
I could just sit here,
Watching.
Watching till we fade away
You were gone before I knew
I did not ask you back
Waiting,
I'll be waiting with my crash,wretched heart
Waiting for me to go completely numb.
Waiting till I fade away.
Waiting till my very last breath.

Yun Xian (26-04-2005)

2005-04-22T15:09:00.000+08:00

My temper getting worst and worst by days and I am totally helpless about it. My only sympathy was the people around me,those who have seen and felt my full bloom temper especially Mariam. Well, I'm sorry Mariam but there's not much of possibility that I go back to the same girl I was three months ago.

Seriously I felt like throwing trantum around so that anyone can see my stuck up and spoiled atitude but I don't want to hurt people at the same time. I know words can kill and I don't want to kill anyone at all.

Blog this as soon as I reach home. In a way this help me to vent out my pent up emotions and voice my thoughts out at the same time. Thanks blospot. *sacastic smile drawn on the face*

I was online practically everyday bur I set my status as "appear offline" because I just simply don't feel like talking or chatting with anyone else. Not in a cheesy mood.

2005-04-22T00:12:00.000+08:00

Did this today. It's kind of plain and simple but I still like it.

Anyway found this lyrics some other days and I find it meaningful and it just deplicts my deep, undefined sadness.

"Almost Here"
(feat. Delta Goodrem)

Did I hear you right
'Cause I thought you said
Let's think it over

You have been my life
And I never planned
Growing old without you

Shadows bleeding through the light
Where a love once shined so bright
Came without a reason

Don't let go on us tonight
Love's not always black and white
Haven't I always loved you?

But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's
Not enough
But when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'Cause you're only almost here

I would change the world
If I had a chance
Oh won't you let me

Treat me like a child
Throw your arms around me
Please protect me

Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered how it hurts
Haven't I always loved you

But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's
Not enough
But when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'Cause you're only almost here

Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered now it hurts
Haven't I always loved you

But when I need you, you're almost here
(Well I never knew how far behind I'd left you)
And when I hold you, you're almost here
(Well I'm sorry that I took our love for granted)
(Now I'm with you, I'm close to tears
'Cause I know I'm almost here)
Only almost here

2005-04-19T20:57:00.000+08:00

I needed to get on with life, seriously. People right all along about the fact that I am trapping myself literally in my own world. So right now I'm getting ahead with my life and I'm dropping everything behind.What's the past the past. So kiss my past goodbye...

Tomorrow school again as usual, so damn it.

2005-04-18T00:36:00.000+08:00

I had my ears pierced a few hours ago, so now the pain is mostly gone, except for the uncomfortable,lingering feeling left in my left ear. Ouch. This is my fifth ear hole but is the 7th time I'd pierced. Seriously I like the idea of gun shot piercing through my ears,the feeling simply great.

Tomorrow school with chinese test. Seriously speaking, it's now 1 a.m. in the mornning and I had not study, so great. Just Great.

Did not feel like blogging ,so I think I'll left here. See ya around.

2005-04-16T17:18:00.000+08:00

This is the seventh skin I made it myself and I happen to like it very much so I'm sorry if you don't. I want to thank deviantart for the picture .

Original picture without the word "trapped"

Anyway will be doing and adding more things to my blog soon.So see ya...

2005-04-16T11:25:00.000+08:00

Nice?

2005-04-02T15:03:00.000+08:00

end of mah story. Won't be blogging for the time being. But I will still check the tagboard and all.

Lov3, Yun Xian

2005-03-29T18:19:00.000+08:00

I saw the realness of the world and I did not like it. Who would? After discovering your santa claus ,snow white and sleeping beauty does not exist, not to mention cinderalla too. They all a lied, even from young you're hearing lies. Lies to make you happy and feel comfort that light trimphs over evil and that the world is all about good samaritians. Oh big deal, (I'm reframed from saying "Oh big fuck") if the world were all about samaritians living long enough to enjoy life then why don't they just all grow a pair of wings and fly to heaven? But still a person's righteous should not be questioned, I prefer to stay true and do whatever in my opinion that is right, although the world is all one big lied.

Today went onboard a boat that was so small that people were squezing here and there, trying to make way for one another. I'm suprising it didn't sink. I wished it did though, I'm sacrastic sometimes but life's like that.

I'm trying, trying hard not to be so straight-forward in most things I say. I know it hurts sometimes when I speak things that weren't make for humans' ear to hear but I can't help it, I'm sorry if I had unintentionally hurt you. I did not mean it, but just that I like to speak the way I think especially if you're close to me. I prefer to hurt you now then to lied to you and think the otherwise. But I'm trying to change.

I love my blog. I'm sorry if you don't but I did love it and I do too now. I love it because I am addicted to tpying and blogging of course.

2005-03-28T19:31:00.000+08:00

Talk about love lately. It wasn't my fault to engage myself internally with such a groofy and cheesy subject. But everyone around me are breathing in love, thus thy say "Love iz in thy air...", or whatever. Love demands respect even from the lowest rank of love worshipper and it's definately a sacred source of message passed down from the ancient master.

I wished I could read your mind but I can't. I wished I could see through your act and understand the true person from within but I can't. I wished you could give me your thoughts and entrust me the key to your mind but I can't. I wished you could give me your heart and give me the faith not to treat it carelessly but I can't. I wished I could be stronger, braver and happier but I can't. I wished I could be what you want me to be but I can't. So I stop trying already. I don't want to be your puppet, no more. Don't want to engage in meaningless thoughts about dreams that were never-meant-to be.Don't want you to be in that room ,no more. But I don't want you to disappear either.So I stay there in the small,black room and hold on to the little memories we had. I don't want to savage anything. If one day I forgot who you are then let it be. If one day our paths crossed again then let it be too. I'm tired ,I stop trying altogether already.

Sorry deja wu just hit me. I wrote that (above) for a person that used to meant so much to me , but now he just fade away. Sometimes I look with regrets, but I know I had already gotten over him. So memories it shall be.

I sprained my ankle and it hurts a lot. Blue black appearing and it's all swollen, tinted with a bit of red. I wasn't exergerating this time. It hurts ,but I'm not limping like a bimbo ith an ultra-exergerating version of walking, trying to gain people's pathetic sympathy along the way. Opps,sorry but I am being carried away.

I was put down with Bei Shan on the long jump competitive event. Don't mistaken me, if given a chance I would never choose to be in it, but who knows what might actually happen? I might just love it and I might just hate it totally. God bless me. I really hate jumping but I had grown out of whinning and throwing tanturms already. I gave in, made little compromises along the way and life might has actually shine for me.

I guess I am in love with blogging.I blog and blog and blog. It seems to be the only thing at home that actually let me voice out my opinions about issues that never matter to others. But when I wrote it out, I felt much better already. Thanks to all those who are viewing my blog and actually bothers to take out a little effort to read to the end line. Thanks,and with much love from the eekky elmo with bright pink lipstick and bulging eyes that fall. And that's me, the eekky elmo and I said thanks too.

2005-03-28T01:48:00.000+08:00

It's too hard to pursue life, dreams and love all at the same time. That's why I decided to give it all up and give it all away.

I just couldn't see eyes to eyes with some of my friends. I'm not pointing fingers at anyone, so if you think I am please stop reading. I saw both friends of mine fighting over one guy. That one guy that memorised their hearts and steal their minds. The same one that shattered it ,and gave it to a perfect stranger. Is it worth it? Is it really worth it to risk a should-have-been beautiful friendship over a guy that doesn't cares? Is it worth it to gives it all away and treat your heart carelessly, only to see it breaking and heard the sound of shattering? Is it worth it to risk everything for that guy that isn't yours in the first place? To me ,it don't.

Sometimes I wonder should I just hand it up to them and admired them for their courage, or shake each of them up till they woke up to the truth? Like I always said, what is yours is yours, you can't push it away. If it meant to be we'll meet in the end. Let the cupid angel do the work, but hopefully it learnt some archery skills by then and don't shoot the wrong person.

I'm sick.Really sick of life. If you could only read my mind then you know how sick I am. I'm dying.Just dying and time slipping through my fingers like sands. It doesn't cares. I'm going crazy, I'm torment to death. God,save me.

Thank for reading.You are witnessing my death.Thank U.

Chan Yun Xian,15,announced dead at 28,march 2005, 2:10a.m. Reason of death: Broken heart and distracted mind with an overdose of adrenaline in the blood. Caused by: Mrs Soh, families and friends + Mr Tay's infamous jumping jacks and the beetle that is crawing under her chair right now. Police are still investigating this murder. Classified as an adnormal of the adnormal deaths Withnesses please call 68943238 or admit yourself to the mental hospital.

R.I.P. She will be remember as a teacher pet and a nerdo in our loving memories..

Yeah right.

2005-03-28T01:07:00.000+08:00

Iy's hard to chase life, to chase love and to chase dreams. That's why I decided to let go of everything ,to stop chasing , to just stop and rest at my own comfort, to take my own sweet time.

I just couldn't see eyes to eyes with some of my friends. I'm not pointing fingers at anyone so if you think I'm talking about you , then please stop reading. I just couldn't agree with their perspectives of love. Indeed, I find it ironic. You see, I saw both friends liking one guy. That one guy that memorised their hearts and minds, they handed it all to him too easily,treated their hearts too carelessly and then saw it breaking, heard the sound of shattering. Then realised it's too late to save their broken hearts, couldn't put it all back together again and thus, ended up fighting. Both wanted him, couldn't give way. It is always one jealous ,the other basking in joy. They switched position many times, but couldn't they see it that they are breaking a should-have-been beautiful friendship over a senseless guy who won't hestiated to break their hearts and gives it to a stranger along the way?

Sometimes I don't know whether I should hand it to them and admired their courage to pursue their love or to shake each of them till they woke up from their dreams. To me, what is mine is mine, I don't need to pursue it but the cupid angel would come and find both and hopefully, it learned some archery skills by then and shot it at the bull's eyes. But please ,don't shoot the arrow at the wrong person.

In life I believe in fate. I belive that fate is not some cheesy,fairy tale meaning about what is already written by god but I believe fate is a compositions of choices and oppourtunities, that you can have in your own hands and choose the paths by your action done.That's all plain and simple.

I'm sick. I'm so sick of life. If you would only read my mind, you realise how sick I am. I am tired ,want to rest. To stop and rest. But holding onto time, it slipped away like sands through my fingers. Falling, I don't know what I want anymore. Dreams, courage and streanght all fade away to another world. I feel so weak,so fake. Put on a smile as if everything would turn out normal, but it does not. It lingers there, watching me slowly torment by its pressence. Time, how I hate time. It spelled the beginnning and ending for me. And for now, it's all coming to an end. I'm dying. Oh god, save me.

Thanks for reading anyway. That's my death certificate you reading right now. Bye.

Chan Yun Xian, 15 died announced death
at 28 March 1:45 a.m.
Reason of death : Broken heart and distracted mind

Caused by : Mrs Soh, families and friends+ My Tay' infamous jumping jacks and a beetle that is crawing under her chair right now. Police are still investigating her death,
classified as the adnormal of the adnormal deaths
Witnesses please called 9188 6424 or admit yourself to the mental hospital immediately.
THANK

R.I.P.
She will always be reminded in our loving memories as a good student, top scholar and miss nerdo.
Yeah right.

2005-03-26T23:11:00.000+08:00

I don't know why but I am more afraid of disappointment than any kind of feelings. That is why I felt my heart plurging down when I saw a glimpse of disappointment reflected in his eyes. I know he is disappointed in me and that made me disappointed in myself too.

Today went back to school for physic project. So much for a five day school days. Damn. But in the end I would rather prefer to stay back at school than be anywhere else. Well.,-at least not in my stinking home.

Change layout which you should have noticed by now. Of course unless you're colour blind. I like this layout ,although in my eyes there are many imperfections. But then again it did not have to be perfect for me to love it. I just love this cause it's pink and black with big Avril smiling's picture. * Grining from ear to ear* Well, don't you too?

2005-03-25T22:32:00.000+08:00

Talked to Joycelyn on the phone. Talked to her about a lot of things like teenhood, friendship, boys and stuff. Don't think that we are gossiping or stuff. We aren't. We just sharing about our life.

It's funnny how I always can relate to her much better than some of my friends. Although she is probably not included in most of my trival everyday life's event, but to me ,she's one of my most trusted friends. Maybe blood thicker than water.Lamo.

Yesterday and today is one of my most havo day recorded in my this year history.I am really starting to dislike guys if this doesn't stop soon. Lately I just felt that I met too much egoistic guys. Damn, blame it on my fate. I hate guys with huge ego who think that the world out there is a man thing. Please, check history please. The last time it was like that was like 50something years ago. Well, I guess he's a lot more retarded then I thought.

Today it seem weird. Why, all of a sudden everyone is just trying to call me and talk to me or something? Had something happen? Or had the sun rised from the east?Whatever, it seem like a dream to me. But life's like that.

2005-03-24T18:16:00.001+08:00

Life's like that, that's what I have always said. And I guess it's more true then I thought. Life's always turn out for the worst when you expected things to be better. And yeah, so likewise life's turn out for the better if you expect the worst out of it.

Lately, life's not so good for me. Nothing changes actually but my perspective of life changed. I'm a freak by nature and I am becoming worst. I'm so freak up about my life-- waking up freaking, freaking over my sleep, freaking over studies, freaking over friendship, freaking over the time, freaking over lateness , freaking over how I freak and even in my dreams I dreamt about how much I freak out over teachers. Damn, this doesn't sound too good ,does it?

Two days ago I thought I had just contact insomia ,afterall, I have slept lesser than two hours each day for more than a week and that wasn't because I'm busy with stuff but I just can't sleep although, I'm damn tired. Whenever I sleep, I would feel my body getting drowsy while I just stared straight ahead. And the feeling of your body went numb is just too scary ,so I just moved around still I at last fell alsleep. However, yesterday when I wanted to take a nap but when I woke up it was 6:10 a.m. in the morning. So congratulations to me. But damn, I couldn't help but felt disappointed. Well, to tell you the truth I have thought that I might just have insomai and by god blessing I might just be escuse from O'level. But damn, my dreams all crushed, or should I say I have big dreams but it is impossible to acheive for mankind? But I am reminded that with god anything is possible. Maybe I should pray about skipping O' level and emerge as the top student of Singapore. Yeah, right. Dream on.

Lazy, I am just plain lazy. I can't help it this way. I wished Miss Jane could understand that. I am lasy as I am a freak by nature. But life's this way. I have to deal with it myself.

2005-03-23T18:13:00.000+08:00

Love is in the air. At least that's what everyone around me seem to be breathing in. But also likewise people's heart are breaking all over for handling their fragile heart too carelessly. I'm the neutral party standing in one corner watching. I don't feel like I belong to this world. Suddenly I woke up and realised everyone in love but I heard the sound of shattered heart too, piercing throught the quiet peace.

I like to say the world I am living in seemed to turn upside down and like people always said , "Life is nothing ,but a dream" I think it's true because I felt that I am living in a dream. A dream that makes me feel out of place and seems unreal to me.I truly felt as if the bubble is going to break any time soon but oh, it isn't, I just hate reality.

The highlight of the day is Mrs Teo Tong infamous spot check. I swore if the school girls were to vote for the most hated teacher , she be the queen of it all. I bet you that Mrs Teo Tong is suffering from serious mentally problems and that was particularly the reason she is such a saddist with a patheticaly wricked sense of humor ,that seem to be almost sarcastic at the same time. My encounter with her was the worst of the worst, I am always in a constant war with her. God, can't you do some good to humankind by getting rid of her?

Teo pissed Mariam off. She pissed me off with the sight of her too. I can't stand her. She's a teacher and she's evil. Evil Teo jojojo. She's out to conquer the world with her evil plan to snip off everyone's fringe. God. Damn. In class, Mariam and I were throwing in ideas as to how to get rid of her for good. Mariam suggested bursting her pathetic car typre but as usual I come up with a more creative plan . That's it, to cut off her break so that in the nick of time ,her precious , beloved brake would not even save her neck or her precious hair. She'll be ripped off from her fringe, trust me. Evil grin forming on my face, but I'm kidding really, but who knows? Afterall the devil tempts.

Show and tell today. I showed my socks. Nice one, I heard snigger all around me. But big deal, I have nothing to show actually and the title of the show and tell is "The thing that I treasure most". Well, I guess I have successfully protray myself as sock lover with a thing for socks. Great, just great. I was damn nervous about it, and kept blahing my way out. Actually the truth is I had not prepare for this one-minute speech an now it turned out to be a glorious one with a sock in my hand. Lamo. Life's like that.

2005-03-22T16:13:00.000+08:00

First of all I like to say that I am a person easily satisfied with my life and that I happened to felt very bless right now ,so please do not try anything funny and spoil it all for me. Thank you very much.

Sometimes I feel like screaming at the top of my lung until it burst. I am now having a bad headache over overly concern and friendly person. I know this sound weird but I think I had just about enough ,people are now bothering me with stuff that I don't bother or that give a damn. I just couldn't see why they are like that, don't they have a normal life of their own?

Today Angelic Jane talked to me, uh-oh this doesn't sound too good but it turned out adults are much more easier to fool than I expect. CHEERS. Miss Jane talked to my parents but for once in a lifetime my parents finally let me have a chance to live life like a nomal sixteen year old kid . Thank God.

Mom coughing like hell. She coughed the whole house up full of germs. Why don't she see a doctor? Pathetic is her middle name.

2005-03-19T10:47:00.000+08:00

I truely think that people should be sincere sometimes with the words they say and the things they do.

Nothing happen yesterday ,which was great. But I suddenly recieved lots of calls from different sort of friends. Suddenly holiday is coming to an end ,so is my fairy tale dreams.

Lots of thoughts flooding in my head. I felt piss off, I felt happy, I felt hurt ,I felt angry , all emotions rushing back. I realised feelings cannot be hide it will always be there if you hide it.So there ,it is huanting me.

I had a strangest dream but I can't seem to remember it. Laugh out lot. Life's like that. But in my dreams something made me feel upset, very sad. When I woke up I don't seem to remember anything but the feeling still lingers there. I dreamt that I am being confornted by things I tried to hide but it is still there. I wish I can forget.

2005-03-18T12:29:00.000+08:00

Today woke up to a sunny morning with puffy,tired eyes. Life wasn't getting better but I am getting all emotional about it. Look on the bright side, at least I survive.

The thought of havng a date with Miss angelic Miss Jane makes me felt like fainting and wishing that the earth would suddenly crack open and swallow me up. Look, I wasn't Miss goody-goody or a pathetic wide-eye student who is scare of her own form teacher but things are much more than it seem. I had the sinking feeling that she knew the whole truth and damn it, life's like that.

After so many days of isolating from the internet due to technical fault, blogging seem so much like a foreign new world to me. I hate my computer! but still, I have to do with it. Urrgh!

Tomorrow is Sister Sherling's wedding and I had told charlotte that I'll go but seriously although I'm invited and I agreed to go, I don't really felt that I made the right decision. I don't know how much things have change over there but I don't like it. I wonder if Sze hui is going? It would make things better for me if she did.

2005-03-14T11:28:00.000+08:00

I'm freaking tired and damn I skipped school today.

I did not do that on purpose ,you got to believe me.When I woke up, the clock on the wall striked the holy eleven thirty. I've got the freak of a shock and went "Oh my god, saves me!". But obviously god is not going to rewind time just for the sake so that I can get to school on time.My first thought was angry Miss Jane, then evil Jeffrey Tay, then Mr Seow mocking laughter all flashed across my mind.But then instead of panicking,I smiled. This is probably the best holiday I ever have ,so carpe diem.

Hack!! I hoped no teacher or freaking teacher's pet read this.They probably get a heart attack if they do ,or worst they might just call up the police and have me arrest and hang for accidentally skipping school. Once again, I am amaze by how far my imagination can run wild with just a simple thought.

I ate a lot once I woke up.Since nobody cooked for me,well, I thought then I just eat everything in the refrigrator and yeah, I did just that. *lick lips*

I'm broke. I really am broke. After spending $20 on taxi fees ,I am seriously broke. No money ,no shopping. I've got only $30 to survive through the entire week and that's hardly what I called enough but guess what, I just got to do with it,money or no money.

Read the fresh graduates's pay.It's unfair. How come NS pple get more money than girls? *Huge groan* I hate this how come boys always take the lead , including first pay? I wished all this were reverse.Damn.Next time if I am the president of Singapore,I'll order a decree to kill all boys,wipe them out and make them slave of the girls.

It's 0ne o'clock now and it sent me a chill down my spine just to think that the lesson end now for my dear classmates.HAHA..I am so bad. No chinese test for me. YIPEE!

2005-03-13T17:14:00.000+08:00

I CUT MY PATHETIC HAIR...

Well, I know it's nothing big really. But I am annoucing this because people seemed to be patheticly blind lately and realised that I cut it only when I told them. I was like so duh.

It is inches below my shoulders. SHORT , but not the obvious kind of short ,however, considering the fact that my hair used to be waist line and comparing both length, it is super short I guess. But then again did I mention that I like to exergarate?

Holiday is here and it make want to breakdown and weep when I think about it. Afterall everybody's picture of holiday is fun, lazy, sunny and adsolutely enjoyable without having to look at Mrs Soh's skeptical face and hearing Mr Loke pathetic attempt of an elegent speech. Pardon me if that is not your personal image of a perfectly good and enjoyable holiday but well, it is mine. But unfortunately when I recieved my holiday timetable my ultimate beautiful dreams were shattered into a zillion pieces. Pathetic , so much for a 1 week holiday, it seemed to me it was entirely the opposite of what I wanted. But Life's like that.

Just imagine, I am pasted to the transparent glass window dividing me from the luxerious life of sleeping without dreaming of Mr tay's face and having to do thousand of jumping jack and of course, Mrs soh peering and scrutinising eyes. I saw other's living the dream I always wanted but then again I am always standing outside ,watching through the transparent glass window others living the supposed-to-be-my-life and in the true reality I am having a patheticly horrible life filled with fear and terror of a teacher catching me because I did not pass up homework or because of my ingenius result. Oh god, I pray for all this mentally and physically torture to end, please. *SIGH*

Read Da Vinci's code. Nice, I have to admit. The ingenius plot and the twisting storyline really gripped the reader from the core of the heart with suspense and fear. For a moment, I thought I was the one living inside the story. BUT as much as I like the book, I have to remind you guy, *a loud ahem followed by an angelic smile* that is is classified as a "FRICTION" catergory. I'm sorry I broke your dreams, but some people argued that the book was a true story. I beg you pardon? Despite the fact that some of the fact is true but it doesn't determine the entire religion of christianity. Like the book said history is one-sided but so is this book by the so-called infamouse Dan Brown. Well, religious is a sensitive issue and I don't like to voice my thoughts here if not I will be blame for starting a second religion riot in Singapore, so if you have anything you strongly disagree with my opinion about the book, please kindly do not tag at my tagboard but find me and have a one to one talk on this topic.Thank you very much, I think I end here.

2005-03-06T00:19:00.000+08:00

I realised that in life not everything have to go your way.Sometimes you have to make little compromise along the route of life.I learned to accept another friend's differences and I know now that it is okay to have a complete different personality form someone that is so close to you.In all to summarise it I've learned respect,respect to someone's differences and learn to like it just as the person have accepted my flaws,I should not try to change the person. It is all right to be different.

Today I did nothing.Tried to do chinese homework and suceeded. I have to do a lot of sharing lately and I am not sure I like it.Well,watever it is,I guess I just have to get use to the fact the person doesn't entirely belong to me and it is obvious now that I should not trap the person in some cage so that the person is only confine to me ,solely. But right now I have difficulty getting used to this fact.Damn.

I suddenly felt that I have lots of friends around me.That's suppose to be good right? Yeah,to me it is.

I think I am jealous and I felt bad to felt this way.But it is not what you think.It is not that kind of jealousy of the love kind of thing or the fact that I am jealous of another friend because the person is better than me. It's not that. It is another kind of jealousy that is tricking at the side of my nerves ,making me feel a twinge of saddness whenever I am reminded of the person . And that sadness and jealousy is overwhelming me. I never thought that it would affect me at all but it did. I felt weird and it's killing me from inside,the feeling is undescipable and it hurts. OUCH. Well,I am biting on to the pain.

2005-03-05T13:55:00.000+08:00

Been thinking, what my future will be when I finally get out of this school, will I still be friends with those whom I used to be so close to? What would happen to me later in life? If god had written for each of us a life story,I would have gladly steal and read it. But curiousity kills a cat,so I guess not.

Study. It doesn't seem like an attractive word to me .But I have to learn to love it whether I like it or not.Great, just great.Life like that.

Nothing happen lately.It been a calm week , like the deep blue sea, nothing happens at all. But I suddenly and gladly, feel that there are a lot of people around me.It's good I guess. I am pretty skeptic about the goodness of the people. Don't blame me,I am pessimistic about people and life,I didn't say I wasn't.I am in fact one extremist,afterall, it had been found out that most people in the world are more interested in the colours of their toes nail then at some stories and thoughts that you got to tell. So learning from the research, I quickly shut up every time I wanted to say something personal. It's all self-defence ,really. But now I guess I suddenly realise that not everyone is like that, and that I shouldn't be so critical about them.So full stop and that's is the end of my entry.

2005-03-01T16:56:00.000+08:00

Today was an ordinary day,nothing special about it,and I felt as if the earth had stopped spinning,moving.

These few days I feet weird,totally weird. I am confused ,I have to say, and I have no idea what to do next. I am so out of place lately that I feel that I don't belong to anywhere on earth. I mean I have friends,you see. BUT ,well ,there's always a but. And that "but" makes me feel weird. I just don't feel that I exist at all or maybe, I am just drifting. Moving from place to place.

Let's hope so that whatever I am feeling now will just fade away ,fade into the space or whatever. DAMN.End of my so-called ordinary story.Bye.Post sometimes later

2005-03-01T16:46:00.000+08:00

Today was an ordinary day,nothing special about it,and I felt as if the earth had stopped spinning,moving.

Let's hope so that whatever I am feeling now will just fade away ,fade into the space or whatever. DAMN.End of my so-called ordinary story.Bye.Post sometimes later.

2005-02-27T21:00:00.000+08:00

Hey done this ...

2005-02-26T16:55:00.000+08:00

Think it's gonna go raining soon,afterall,the sky's dark with big,black cloulds.But I like it.

Think I'm a saddist for liking black and things that are sad?...and worst I realise I have a special liking for satanic photos...photos that show human in a total wreck position...photos that makes U think the world have no hope at all. But like I said,I totally love it..

I think life is just some big,black room with nothing in it when U were first born...and as U grow U fill up the room with many,many things.Nice, bad, pretty and the ugly...U fill all of them up in Ur room..then the angel of death come,U were give a key so that U can unlock the door of the room and walk out of Ur trap world...To me, death is a release from all the things that seem to be holding u down all the time....

saddist,saddist,saddist... I think I am becoming one and god,I couldn't figure out why.

2005-02-24T22:47:00.000+08:00

I don't see why people suggest reading more chinese articles would help improve your chinese when obviously, it is not working on me and my wreck chinese.But big deal the most I just faint on the day of my O'level and perharps ,if god would bless me I might just fell into a coma and yeah ,with further blessing I might just never wake up... cool...it sound like a really good deal. I might just do that ,you know.

I did not recognise the fact that I was totally stress until I realise I've got more and more dark rings under my sore, tired eyes...Then the syptoms arrived,I begin to realise too without knowing all this while that I have onli slept about 3 hours a day for the past two weeks..no wonder I felt so tired..and also I realised that the reason because I have slept so little is not because I am busy studying (that would never happen) but because I can't sleep.I can laid at the bed for hours and thousand of things flashed through my mind but still I can't sleep.Great,I think I've got a serious case of insomia.But as usual, I am only overreacting and yeah ,of course, I am over exaggarating too.So watever.

2005-02-21T19:41:00.000+08:00

This few days quite a lot of things happened.Great,so damn tiring lately.but look on the bright side,there would always be saturday and the rest of the weekend for me to rest.

My GooDness. Homework piling up and I'm sinking beneath it,tomorrow mrs Chan going to engulf me.Heck.Oh no, I'm dying, I'm sinking but life have to go on.

Today went out with Joyce after school talked a lot of hecking lot of things,told her a lot of things,problem and stuff.

that's all.End of my day.Damn.

2005-02-20T21:59:00.000+08:00

hi...now at Sze hui's house then nothing do then go blogblog... Just now go out early in the morning...then now still outside haven't go home yet..then we use her web cam then take pic...

..haha..nothing to do...lol..

2005-02-19T13:22:00.000+08:00

Damn...

Life's hard or nice? I've no idea but damn I have to say if it was anything, it was pure bittersweet. Hard and nice at the same time.Happy with a twinge of sadness.Totally nostalgic for me,though. Great but then whatever it is I've got to get on and never look back.blah.Whatever the heck.

Been to some anti site. And well I have totally no comments for it.Heard it from my friends at first ,so I went and bingo, there written in thick,bold words were the huge anti him.It's funny though(refering to the tagboard), but whatever and whoever it is, I'm surprise by the huge number of crowd it drawn already, anyway I always thought I was the only one and well I guess not.I'm not afraid to voice it out that I dislike him quite a lot and am a frequent visitor to the blog but ha, I finally knew pple who hate him more than I do.But look on the bright side, at least I dare to voice it out openly and also I gave a honest vote and did not vote him as fat, simply huge or whatever it is.

Life's been busy for me too. Busy with some things .Dropping A.maths officially but not chemistry and physic. Great.Means I have extra work to do .

2005-02-12T18:04:00.000+08:00

Please don't be surprise if I suddenly bail everything out and break down....and please don't be surprise if U felt that I have suddenly change...and totally different from who I was a few months ago..I'm writing this down so that pple won't expect much from me....I wasn't anything good anyway...

Holding anger is a poison.It eats you from the inside.We think hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us.But hatred is a curved blade.And the more harm we do, we do to ourselves.By hating someone we are holding ourselves slave to the word hatred.We are all but just human beings with feelings.So then why should we deprive others of love...?

..There's reallly nothing to write about my life. Oh yeah, I talked to someone lately..no not onli does this applied to that someone...but to a lot of people. I was once told of a statistic that 90% of the people in the world cares much more on the colors painted on their nail then at some stories you've got to tell...Well, anyway or anyhow I think it is true. Sometimes I wondered why people bother to ask you wat you are feelings and when U told them they will be looking at U with the greedy look in their eyes, waiting to devour everything you told them so that they can engage themselves in some juicy gossip later with their friends telling them all about Ur secrets that is so meant-not-to-be-told.While others worst, spent lots of time pleading with you to tell them some problems you had faced in your life. But in turned hinted you to Shut Up when they realised what you got to say was nothing interesting or new to their ears... Well, all I got to say is that the latter at least did the art of listening..but the other one did nothing.... yeah and there are some more examples that we can see in our daily lifes...some ppple appeared to be concerned with U and do a good job of listening and not telling anyone Ur problems...but in fact they bragged about knowing Ur secrets to other pple as if they R so close to you and all...please can anyone gives me a break? I mean whren I wrote this I dun refered to everyone in my life...afterall the statistic onli showed 90% of them were classified as that but not 100%.... So thank god that there were stilll people who reallie showed real concren and all... and thank god once again that I knew some of my friends do CARE ...

aniway this is the end of watever I got to say fer today...thanks for reading...

2005-02-11T22:25:00.000+08:00

* grin*..

today went to Johnathon's house for steamboat...and yeah we cooked the food like the way we cooked at Seoul... the food tasted great *yummie*...then after that Min Shi, Pei shan ,Yi Qian, Zhi Xuan ,Shi kai they all sat on the sofa with the same style and sang...goSh..did I mention it was fun..?

aniway they went on to gamble...or so watever...I learned to played Mah jiong...lol...finalli... then Stella , Jin Chuan ,Chang yuh and I played... Won the second round..haha`~... but of course we did not put in bets or so...if not I couldn't be playing..

...it seem surprising sometimes....how things turned or to be..is it a twist of fate or something..?.... I once thought...so long ago... that we were all dolls...in a big doll house called EARTH.... and we were all slave to whatever our domainant god wanted...after all we were just a tiny dolls made to satisfy his loneliness.. and to entertain him....but when I was first converted to christian... I was taught another way of thinking... sometimes I felt restricted...I don't deny... I felt overly controlled.. but I guess that's the right way to think so I dun mind feeling controlled sometimes....after all life's like that... sometimes I wished I could live in freedom..no restriction....nothing to restrict me...nothing....but just live life as it is...but it is impossible...." Freedom comes by grace of God..."...

...so here I am posting such a long entry...say U proud of me ..say it....Laugh out loud...laugh out veri loud....

2005-02-10T18:51:00.000+08:00

Y bother..?

...spent my New year playing gunbound....dun even bother to get out of the house animore....I am an official crouch potatoes... I love my computer and I can't stand to leave it all alone in the cold, silent house.... afterall it needs me...and I need it to survive too...

this year is just one of the most pathetic new year I have ever gone through...but I am starting to love it....who need to spent their new year in a traditional way in other to be happy..?... For all I knew I dun ...damn...

...went to a website to look at fotos...to do a new layout...and the fotos pretty cool too...but it is all about dark magic..satanic and stuff.... but despite all this I love it...it gross some of them...but heck...who cares....?..

...I dun noe since when I started to change...is it a slow process...?...how come I dun even seem to notice it..?..but I noe now I am totalli different from who I am a few months ago... I dunnoe where I'm change...but it feels different...just feels totalli different to be me now..

2005-02-09T20:10:00.000+08:00

Josh Groban -You Raise Me Up

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up...To more than I can be.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up.... To more than I can be.
You raise me up...To more than I can be.
-End-

I realli love this song... but like I said pple have different taste and opinion...so... well watever it is I hope U give Urself a chance to listen to this song...I mean reallie listen ...btw...in case U a bit slow this is the song that's playing in my blog.... lol...

2005-02-07T17:44:00.000+08:00

Felt weird Felt so damn weird.... Y..? Lately relise that a lot of things aren't wat I thought.. Is it because I have poor judgement or is it because the person change...? I dunnoe but I felt reallie disappointed..disappointed in a lot of things...I just couldn't figure out how things turned out to be like this...

Also lately I realise pple are always taking care of me...I like a child like that, can't do things on my own... Everytime have to have pple take care of me...every thing also have to have pple look out fer me....so I dun want to be like that....I dun want pple to take care of me...I dun want pple to everytime have to look out fer me...I dun want it to be like that...

2005-02-04T17:59:00.000+08:00

hey

today told mR chew I wanted to drop A.maths... haha~~... then I saw korkor's face he like not happy I dropped like that.. gave me that look then said dropping A.maths not good...but wat can I do leh..?.... he wants me to keep on failing izzit..?... then I argued wif him lozx..then at last he like quiet liao..then he said nothing....

actualli the way kor looked at me made me doubt my decision...cause he said learn A.maths is fer my good... but hor... to tell U guys the truth I onli took 15mins to decide to drop A.maths...It was something I did without much thinking..I just felt like dropping..then I drop lozx.... to me is no biggie wat..esp the course I wanted to take after O'level...have nothing to do wif mathz....

.... ....

then lately learn that not all thingss I must have it de...sometimes letting go of something will be better... by letting go U not onli let Urself to have a chance to be happie...but U give happiness to others too..I have to admit I am a sooo not perfect person...but big deal..at leats I survive so far....

2005-01-30T21:36:00.000+08:00

everything U said was a lied....watever like I even care......

sorrie I was kind of feeling pretty pessimistic today...but I can't help it....watever ....life's like that...and I hate it to the CORE...

Idiot....tomorrow shool again...and have to pretend I'm all happie..piG...I'm not....CrapCrapCrap...I hate crap....but at least that keep me happie....so tomorrow I have to crap again ....

hatehatehatehate U....I hate him...alll he did was lied...I hate pple who treat me like a puppet....wat do they think I am suppose to do ..? cry..?...no.... I won't.... I won't cry because some idiot like U treat me this way...it's nobody faulth that I met U.... but it's Ur fault fer treating me this way...and stop making me feel sorry when it's Ur fault....Idiot....moronic freak.... I am not sure U would ever read this aniway....but like I said... Whatever....

2005-01-23T13:40:00.000+08:00

...been using the whole weekend to think about somethings...I'm glad I manage to sort it all out... now I am sure of wat I want...wat I dun... and yeah watever.... I have to live with watever decision I made...

..lately I went out with my friend everyday till10 or 12+ then reach home...hA~.. niCe...I hate staying at home more and more lately... I just dun like it....at home I am restricted to a lot of rules that doesn't even make any sense to me....I like to be free... I dun like to be tried down by rules or wateveer shit thing there is.... that is my exact same thoughts I veiw about the topic of stead.... i dun like to be tried down...nor do I like commitment... I like to be happy I like to be me... yeah...and to be a free me..

so went to causeway point last night...pierced mah ear... *ouch*.. it waS pain... I haven't expect this... yeah...and went to bed at 3+...and I could onli lied on one side of mah ear... it was still awfulli red then...but better when I just pierced mah ear.. but this morning when I wake up..the pain gone...in fact it feel a bit numb... well is that good or bad..?

2005-01-16T22:22:00.000+08:00

Have U ever look at someone and thought u could never find someone as perfect as the person..?
But when U look closely at the person U discover flaws..
things that U did not like...
then U wonder how could someone as perfect has flaws..
but then again even the most beautiful thing in the world have flaws...

...haiz..monday's tomorrow...which means I have a lot more to catch up this week.... going to fail all my retest...and I am so hack care about it....dun even feel a thing when I fail...haha~~...Question to the readers... "Is there any way to lock my Television up..?"....

going to take chinese seriouly after today...cause onli got a few months more to O level mah...then I hope I dun fail it...Veri stress sia...imagine I fail all my O level subject....lol...haha~`..I might just to that...lol.. well they shpould give me the noble prize award if I manage to pass...

sometimes wonder if I am a human...I dun seem to feel as other human feel...got a number of pple call me the unfeeling one...well...Am I reallie that bad...?....I just can't realli help it that I am the type not to think or express my feelings too much.... well aniway beside being happie and disappointed I dun reallie seem to feel much of other feelings...yeah and veri occasionally anger....but I tried to control it.... so I dun reallie feel sad...nor am I veri happie...just veri neutral most of the time....haha`~.. is that good or is that bad..?

2005-01-07T20:58:00.000+08:00

tiRed ...tired....so tired....

SomEtimes I wish I would slp and never wake up....right now going through a rough patch of life...dunnoe Y...but everything didn't seem right...yesterday hear something..then let me sian diao..then today saw something that makes me veri upset..I can't help feeling a teeny weeny bit of angry...but when I face the person... I just couldn't be angry wif the person...dunnoe Y I reallie trust the person..but somehow... the person lied to me again....dunoe..then just now heard the person explaination...is it all a misunderstanding like the person said...?... but can I even trust animore...?For all I noe the person did not even trust me... Y am I so stupid..?

...then just now heard something...make me veri upset too...dunnoe....but if got words then say in fornt of me lah...then at least better then say behind my back right...?...sometimes friends are so fake...can said things totalli different behind Ur back....

2005-01-06T21:39:00.000+08:00

..hihi`

....lol..today....went out wif yI qian, bei shan, mIn shI and chang Yew..haha~~... then somemore Yi Qian treat uS pizza hut sia...then we all eat until veri full...chang yuh eat the most d...haha~`..then bei shan Chang Yuh make me laugh like siao ginna like that cause they veri funne sia.....then I luff until I feel like vomiting..

haix...then school reopen liao...then Veri buzi...dunnoe why sometimes I felt tired fer no reason...then veri buzi sia these days...haha~~...but I still everyday go out after school....then like that lozx.....haizx...

2004-12-27T13:23:00.000+08:00

SerIouSly....

Do I realiie have no Privacy in this house..?...Toaday I woke up in the morning..well...actualli it was afternoon.. I went to moi desk and guess wat..? All mY items and things aRe dig up...I hate this...I bet they even read my letters and my personal diary...which I caught them reading once...maybe they even come to moi blog and read moi entries...well this is altogether sickening...UrrGh...that's Y I can't wait to get out of the house when I finalli grew up and earn some money...

haizx..I tot today was tuesday worhz....got a shock...cause on tuesday morning we have project..haizx...then I woke up onli at 12p.m. ...then I tot Min Shi Carol and Lui Chang was going to kill me fer missing it...lol...So thank god it wasn't tuesday...lol...

_` Xian]

2004-12-26T18:37:00.000+08:00

Wah...today go marina parade there go play games...lol...it wAs fun lozx...wE play the shi zhi ru kou...U noe the tawain TV show..link the last word of the food to the first word...haha~~... ate a lot of different kinds of food...some I did not even tried before....got durian Ice kachaing.. tang Yuan.. lotus soup... donuts.. cheese bread... ginseng tea... beancurd.. beansprout ... almond biscuit and char swiew noodles and sweets.. yeah and lotta different drinks... haha~~ good thing dun have smelly toufu.. lol... if not I die... haha~~... then after that they all go play pool...then I underage so I went back to woodlands lozx..

think the trip veri fun bahzx...cause Noe a lot of new pple...then when play games we all make jokes...then everybody laugh until like siao kia like that.... haha~`...and We came in as the second last group... thank god not the last if not go forfiet.... haha~~... and those pple that lose must do a forfiet by eating water melonz without using hands then they eat until like dogs like that..wahahaha~~...then one guy who ate the fastest told us he got a dog at home...that's whY he so pro...because he imitate his dog when he ate the watermelonzx mahzx... :D ...

but hor....sad cause they didn't like church then kept suaning pastor Sun during the games... and yeah... they did not noE I went to ciTy harvest church and happen to support paster sun ... even when I told them about it ,they thought I was joking...then laugh at it......well..I guess there's somethings I would never understand....

then after that went to caUseway with moi sworn sister...then she told moi some of her problems.... aniway sound like we have the same problem lozx... aniway I told her to learn to give up certain things in life... after all sometimes giving up is the solution...and every exit is another entrance to Ur other part of Ur life... haha~~.... and we also argue about our viewpnts over certain subjects... then told each other wat is the pirioties of our lives..haha~~ ...and we laugh over our own lame jokes lozX...but in the end reallie have fun... then I feel verie happie lozx... cause long time did not talk to moi Jie liao..haha~~

2004-12-25T23:23:00.000+08:00

Merrie X'mas

hey...today spent moi Christmas at home watching " Dumb and Dumber "...have a good laugh.. the movie great bahz...then after that spent time changing moi template...I dunnoe whether this template look nice anot...but I am certainly sick of the last one...

aniway..today suppose to wake up go church de..but somehow overslept...cause go out wif friend then reach home onli at 5a.m. mahz..then veri tired...somemore I got no alarm clock so veri lazi...then overslept...

haizx...been thinking alot lately...it's strange how's life can change...and I didn't particularly like the way moi life is now..but nvm...if I can't change moi situation then I can onli change moi atitude towards it....so now I like to laugh alot lately...because can destress...then nowadays not so upset le loxz..in fact quite happie....

aNiway...cheeZx...moi sister decorated moi living room and guess wat..? I am wonndering Why I am born wif a sister that have such poor sense of taste...gosh...moi living room now look like a nursery now...Duh~

___` Xian

2004-12-19T11:04:00.000+08:00

I noe U never reply aniway..U never did...I felt so foolish...it was me reaching out to U all the time...it was never U...but I'm not upset or anithing...I learn to let things pass me by...I dun try to grasp anithing anymore... so let it be... if U reading it I hope U noe it's U.... U not the first one and U won't be the last one... Everything was a lied ,lied ,lied....

2004-12-13T22:23:00.000+08:00

what did life give aniway..?....To day I went to work...I am a slave for money..and wat did money gives me...Materialistic happiness...? Will the Feeling last..? I doubt so...juxt like the whole entire world...it will fade away....one day, my life will be gone...just like the sand in the hour time clock....it will reach an end... iF onli one can grip the moment...placed it in one's memory...kept hidden safely away ..never to forget... then the person has live life to the fullest....

2004-12-12T23:33:00.000+08:00

Hey^^

I'm Back...:P...computer finalli okay le...so Right now moi So happie...hahahA~~ nothing happen today...so buaiZX~~

2004-10-16T17:15:00.000+08:00

A Poison Tree - William Blake

I WAS angry with my friend:
I told my wrath,
my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not,
my wrath did grow.

And I watered it in fears
Night and morning with my tears,
And I sunnèd it with smiles
And with soft deceitful wiles.

And it grew both day and night,
Till it bore an apple bright,
And my foe beheld it shine, And he knew that it was mine,--

And into my garden stole
When the night had veiled the pole;
In the morning, glad,
I see My foe outstretched beneath the tree.

ThE siCk RoSe...
ROSE, thou art sick!
The invisible worm,
That flies in the night,
In the howling storm,
Has found out thy bed
Of crimson joy;
And his dark secret love
Does thy life destroy.

thiZ PoEm ish by WilliaM Blake...I founD it meaningFul so I poSt it here......but this peom ish not as simple as it seem to be...It may looked like one simple poem wif no depth of meaning in it...but it protrayed a lot about human life...all the evilness and sin...but realli the real meaning ish not important...but hOw U interprete it...

2004-10-08T16:12:00.000+08:00

ToDay SomEthinG hoRriD happEned....I was LikE Oh My GoD.... I never toT My Reaction WoulD bE likE Tat..I tot I Can HanDle SomEthinGs Well....but GuEss I am Still a small GuRl...I CoulDn'T Help but feel Scared.... ThinGs LikE that happened to me all the time...but Today I felt like I haven't Grown at all since the day at primary foUr.. anD WoRst..I was Speechless At that time... then StartEd Crying fer no Reason... I guess I always like to Cry... but It was plain embarassinG.. I was ActinG Like a kiD right In Fornt oF Two adults..I dun even noE Wat I was TalkinG..Just StumblinG over words.... mY GoD....I HATE MEN.. I wish goD had Made guYs allergy to gurls....

thEn In Class today talked To mRs Segar with Mariam..I Actualli Felt happier after that... lift some burden off my mind..I am Scared ..Still scared and is scared....Over a loT oF thingS.... I haD Talk to mY parents... they SaiD they AlloWed mE to Go Overseas to study iF I have done well fer my O' level..Or iF I realliE Want to.... I guEss I might just take the offer...but I am WorriD About ChuRch.... anD StuFF like that...tml Claris CominG Back..I am So Happy... She's the only onE Leader I like....ThanK goD Fer that....

2004-10-04T00:10:00.000+08:00

"lisTen to mY hEarT... LooKinG Fer Ur dReaMs..."

ToDay Was another typiCal Day....nothinG..AdsoluTely nothinG happenS... I stayed At homE the WholE Day aniWay..DoiNg adsoluTely nothinG...But SleepinG anD EatinG... hEy...Yeah anD I think I am totally AddiCted To coFFee...I don't noE Y but I JuZ lovE the Taste oF coFFe...anD the FeelinG That I WoUldn'T Fall asleep so fast..But SerioulY..I thinK that Was an Adsolute liEd ... Well DoCtoRs R Human ..Can'T Blame them...I mEan..LikE Hu SaiD DrinKinG CoFFee Dun MakEs U Slp..Well..Watever iT is..It doEsn'T WoRk on Me.... I drinK toNs..AnD I still Fall asleep the Next MinUtE....Well..PerharPs..iT's not the doCtEr'S fauLt..noR was iT mY fault..U See..I thinK thIs SleepInG thinG iS in My Genes..I mean I Can'T Help iT RiGht..That I Sleep likE a Dead piG..

2004-09-28T16:54:00.000+08:00

HaWk~...ExamS CominG anD I haven't eVeN Began moi ReviSion....UrrGh...I JuZt hate Exams dun u..? ...hey..iT's stranGe Lately...I seen loTs oF loVely doVey CouplEs toGether ,holdinG hanDs ,WalkinG on the WalkWay oF the streeT....AnD yeah...dun U finD it's StranGe..?... well... pErsonally I do finD it Extremely weriD...Or maybe U Can Say I aM the One who ish werid..But Dun U think that they Are so BlinDed WiF thE "LoVe" they Have RiTe now... that They dun Even Care iF thiS LoVe was ever Meant Fer them oRdid the other party Even take them seriouly..?... I mean To Me this iS PlaiN simple CruSh that CoulDn't last thru the enthusiatiC DreamlanD oF Ur teenage years... SoRrie..I noE I am BeinG a bit Of SaddiSt here...But... I simply didn't think their LoVe CoulD be put thru the test of time.... anIway I haVe already Seen CouplEs SwearinG that they'll loVe each other Fer Life... anD the next...they JuZ ....well..U noE Wat HappEn Next...aniWay...I think loVe at thiS age WoulD onli Cause Tears aand Heartache... ...but no Offense to anione from wat I Said AboVe... I Wasn'T Directing To Anione...but juZ VoiCing out moi Personal vi3w...bTW....lately....felt so tiRed....I trieD to chanGe moi BloG layouT..but DunnoE wat to ChanGe iT to....erm...We See about that.. ____`xian

2004-09-23T18:50:00.000+08:00

Hey ToDAy I got nothing to write le...so I juZ SummariSe Wat Happen toDay...

...haha~~..tiS morninG I woke up...then looK iN thE miRroR...Moi eyes baGs become Bigger liao...anD I haD realliE biG panDa eyes..loZx..CauSe I did not Sle3p mahZx....haha~~...theN moi pArents said mY haiR too lonG...mUz go anD CUt...iF not they Will haD a hard time sweepinG the flooR... ^_-...

...then I did not want to go to school today de..want to fakE sick..but then Ms JanE said I too manI adsentee liao..then mUst Mc then Can skip School...So I sian diao...nVm...then Remembered got English test...so MUZT go...So sAd de...

....English test today the AnSwer so Long...Dun Think I have DonE well...but BiG deal..haha~~ I am Always so pathetiC de mahz....the most study next time lozx...

...then after School Stay Back wiF Yi Qian..and Waited Fer miN Shi...Ya hoR...to Day DurinG the SoCial StuDy She kEpt tickling moi...haha~~...muX write here So tat Everybody can See She bully moi..haha~~=p... kiddinG loZx...then She ChaSed moi Round the Class Room...CauSe I tickled her back maH..Then I Ran inTo the Toilet anD hiDe...then I veri ScarEd she FinD mE...then I ScreaM in thE Toilet wif the door loCk...then all the Girls iN the toilet ThouGht I siao...anD Denise asked moi Y I talk To the toilet Bowl...haha~~..After that DenIse CamE To Moi REscuE....hehe..anD she luRed min shi Away..But min shi FounD mE anIway...Too baD By the timE a loT oF pple thought I siao...

Yeah...then JuZ now I Walked home..CauSe Moi Ezlink Card dun Have money...then Dun Dare To Asked moi Mum Fer iT..CauSe shE giVe moi the money anD I spent it away le...then Dunno HoW thiS Week I Gonna SuRvivEd CauSe onli Got $2 left in Moi Pocket...pathetiC hoRz...then NoT SuRe Want to Go ChuRch Anot..CauSe no monEy...haiZhaiZx...sadsad hoRzx...

..I havE FounD thE ReaSon To LiVE...

AnD that's U...

2004-09-22T18:40:00.000+08:00

MY fAther

..hEy..i RealiSed Something..I havE Never heard moi Father SinG... Erm...well..iN mY 15 years oF GrowinG uP liVinG in the sAme HouSe as him..I have nEver heard him sinG .... but he always CritiSe singer's voiCe...I onli noE he likes Celion Dieon... anD Evanesance...haha~~

..then toDay play Chinese chess wiF Guo fang...his birthday leh.... 18 liao... then kenna beaten 18 times... haha~~..... but I think he scared I win him then he offline...;P...lol...kiddinG..

then nothing happens today...

__`xIan

2004-09-21T17:38:00.000+08:00

toDay Went to School As UsuaL...anD yeah the SuN Rise From the Wast...SURPRISE... yEah...miN Shi shoulD noE wAt I mEan..=p...iT'S Been two Days liao...haha~~

..then toDay iN Class I TalK lamE stuFf..lyke I do Everyday..and MakE MariaM luFf.. EspEcially that "oPen the winDoW" that ParT... haha~~iT Was So LamE...=P

....Yeah Actualli I Got Nothing to WriTe ToDay..so I WriTe Crap okiEs..?..Well,Yesterday kennA scolded by mR adnanD... I was likE So duH..~ Can'T Believe I Am So pRo de... then Min Shi Also...but the worst thinG iSh..In fornt oF the Whole school leh.... haizx...so paI seh..no FaCe liao lah..ThEn A loT oF Lower Sec look at moi...My goSh...the Worst thing Was I nOE a lot oF pple From sec one...Then I noe almost one From every class then TheY tuRned anD StarEd at moi..likE So shock likE that...CauSe they thought I pretti guai de...but boY, was they Ever so wrong...=P....haha~~

___xIan`

2004-09-20T04:20:00.000+08:00

"aND I See U StanDinG there ...WanTinG MoRe From mE....AnD all I Can Do iS chanGe...AnD I see U standinG..I'm all I'll ever be ..AnD all I can do iSh try.."

...Blah..NoW iS 4:30 a.m....JuZ WakE up thEn bloG le...These Few days I havE Werid Dreams...I mEan RealliE WeRiD dreaMs...I am Always CryinG in All thEse DreaMs...NoT JuZ Crying in that SoRt...But in Moi DreamS I realliE CriEd...In thE Sense that I felt like I would Cried no more...But I CoulD Still Cry..

..PerharpS..I Already noE Wat iT means...iT haD been SaiD that DreaMZ Reflect Ur innEr ,Subconcious FeelinGs About Ur LiFe...I noe Wat this Dreams ReflEct ...I noE Because the DreamS I DreaMt About iS in Moi LiFe..Ish REaliTy..ExcEpt I did not Cry in RealiTy..but iT's there all alonG...

..in One Of moi DReams....I am Struck in a dilimA...Both Way I trieD to Turn...But Watever I chooSe..I'll be upSet...I dun NoE..but after That Dream..I noe wat MY ChoiCe Have to be...I noe which 1 I make I will bE HappiEr...

...then I look at moi Parents...I nEver wanT to Be likE them....In moi Dream I Dreamt about their LiFe..Except that iT becomE my..I Dreamt about GrowinG up..WorkinG... anD GrOwinG oLD..then DyinG...I dreamt that Moi DreamZ BecomE loSt...FoRgotten...anD mE dying..LikE onE oF the billionS pple that HavE diEd on Earth...I dun Want to be onE oF them....I dun Want to Tried to Grasp something But Ended uP having nothing..I dun want to be this Way...

__yunxiaN`

2004-09-18T23:04:00.000+08:00

__mOi ReFlectiOn `

ToDay I RealiSed Something...every hUman BeinG have FeelinGs.....U uZ be thinking "oH mY gooDness"... iT took mE 15 years oF liVing to FinD out that... buT Seriously I noE that ever since I was borN...But I did not noE the feelinGs that they probably felt..

tOdaE was A normal Day bahz..but I talkEd to SomEbody..I Mean like Realli talk....mAybe iT was An unDerstanDinG all alonG...but...I Dunnoe..I Try not to judge anD I am Still Trying tO.. FoRget iT aniwaY...God saiD forgiVe...then I trY mY best loZx...FoRget AbouT it...

...Well..I think NoT juZ mE..But EveryonE needed To Reflect on thiZ....Okie... Who Never saiD A worD behind pple's back..?...WhO never judge pple behind their baCk..?WhO neveR gOssiP..?

haizx..but I guess everYonE need To realiSed that the person U directinG all thiz to have feelings toO...I mean Who iSh Perfect iN this world..?I haVe made mistake so have U...But did U ever thought about hoW the person feel.??

__`loV3 yA

2004-09-17T19:53:00.000+08:00

Hi GuYs..I finD thiS QuiZx at http://quzzilla.com ...sO I TrieD theM..HerE's the Result.. =P..

you're no smiley you're a banana What Smiley Are You? brought to you by Quizilla A banana..ErrR...No... You are Schroeder! Which Peanuts Character are You? brought to you by Quizilla Oki3..that's nEw... ^_- You are a Siren. More adventurous than all with a voice like no other you sit on warm rocks and sing to the moon and sea. Yet sometimes shipwrecks find you and raving men want you. You are a bottle of talent and power. What the unknown is you seek to find, and a lover. You have the moon and stars as freinds. There are a very few of you, what a rare find. Will you rate my quiz, I think your voice in just beautiful? What kind of mermaid are you? (Gorgeous Pics) brought to you by Quizilla Hahaha~~..that's FunniE.. You're a punk rock mommy! DIY is probably your motto, because you're a punk mama at heart. Your kids are getting your independent spirit and guts, and learning to solve problems themselves. You love it when they show their independence, even when it's breaking your heart. What kind of a freaky mother are you? brought to you by Quizilla Cool...=P... What Is Your Animal Personality? brought to you by Quizilla ..huhZ..?

2004-09-17T18:30:00.000+08:00

UrrGh.... I aM So #!@#%$& aNgrY...I felT So diSgust At somEboDy...Y thE Hack--...?... I couldn't figure Out Y...Y iSh here suCh A cheater anD a pathetiC Two-header SnaK3 who went up to Everybody's aSs anD Kiss it but Was AcTaulli Speaking Such pathetic non-logical inSulT to pple's common sense..?..OmiGoD...

Well..foRget iT the Person Did not even noE tHat I aM AnGry Wif hiM...Well to inFoRm U it's a Him..!!... cAn U Believe iT ..?..I thought GuRls onli gossip..but nowadays .. BoYs Gossip...@##%%%$&.... BastarD..U're PathetiC..!! U thinK U ani better.. I tell U I Bet no Gurls would ever Want U iF the Whole WoRld's boYs Contact Aids but not U...ReaD mY lipS... U R pathetiC..!... I felt likE *blaM*whAm*banG*...anD hit U on Ur *tooT*...

Well let's not talk about iT ani moRe...SeriouslY ..He's WastinG moi Precious time....Wel...Aniway today Went to school As Usual...then Li QinG Kept pullin Moi Hair...duh~`.... So noT funnie... buT AniwaY^...aFter that nothing muchie happen liao..

__loVe y4`

2004-09-17T05:36:00.000+08:00

mY inSanitY DaY.... ToDay I thinK iSh onE oF the Days where I aM SeRiouLy A FreAkinG out-of-conTrol laMer...haha~~..Wasn't moi Fault that I am BoRn To Be So lAmo...thinK A loT oF ppl3 wannA kill mE lE..CauSe I Ask a lot oF Qian bian Question..haha~~

then NoW ish 6 o'clock...I mean...6 a.m....in the morning..goinG to School Soon le...But Seriously I think there's something wrong wiF moi body clock..haizx...then this Few days...oR I should make it months...I hardly sleep le...that's Y Got Soo manI Dark Eyes bagz under moi Eyes..haha~~.....but I dunnoe Y I can't slp....lol...buaizbuaizx...

__`lov3 y4..

2004-09-16T01:04:00.000+08:00

Well..thiS iS moi seconD post tonights..CauSe wenT thRu sze hui'S bloggiE..then saw the quiZ thinGy...So went to Try...Fer fun...

You represent... hope.You're quite a daydreamer and can be a hopeless romantic. You enjoy being creative and don't mind being alone at times. You have goals, and know what you want in life... even if they are a little far fetched. What feeling do you represent?

...whether iT'S Thru Fer urselF..U Judge UR self..go Try..thE QuiZ RealliE Short..haha... >buAiZbUaiZ__~

2004-09-15T23:40:00.000+08:00

HeY ..ToDaY I weNt to SchoOl aS UsUsal....buT

..thinGs R not finE..I aM not FiNE...

I am A ConTrol FreAk...I TalkEd Crap thE WholE Day sO waT..?..I laugh thE wholE day So Wat..?...I smil3 thE wholE Day So wat..?..so Wat iF I am always not haPpIe WiF mY LiFe... sO Wat...?
...But I still Can'T Help iT that humAnZx Have FeelinGs..Y..?Y.do Human HavE FeelinGs..?..YDo we Feel Upset..huRt..Or Depressed..?..?Where Do FeelinGs ComE FroM..? Can SomEonE PlZ tell mE..?
...SerioUslY I dun MinD beinG hapie all the time..but...wataever...watever thoughts in moi haEad iSh a mystery to U Guys..so does Urs to Me toO~...

..better sign off le ..so late le...buAiZx...

__loV3 yA`

hilary duff lyriZx

2004-09-10T21:00:00.000+08:00

"Where Did I Go Right?" I'm always too late I see the train leaving I'm always laughing When it's not cool to smile I'm always aiming But somehow keep missing So how did you get here Something is wrong [CHORUS:] Where did I go right How did I get you How come all this blue sky is around me And you found me Where did I go right How did I get you I don't know how I did But somehow now I do I'm always driving Forget where I'm going Should have turned left But I was singing some song And I, I am arriving As everyone's leaving But there you are waiting Something is wrong [CHORUS] Makes no sense to me No it isn't clear But somehow you're standing here Something gets to me It's that nothing is wrong[CHORUS 2X]

2004-09-08T23:11:00.000+08:00

It'S b3eN ProVen...I can'T Deal WiF thinGs th3 way NoRmal pplE Do...everytimE I Run InTo SomE strumble in life..I went aroud Throwing a big traturm , runaway and cry.... I NoE ...I Can't Keep things like this goinG on FoRever...I aM Chidlish..Wat more Can I saY... I am Childish until the fact that I am 15 but still Act Lik3 a 5 yeaRs old kid when I meet some Problemz...But I Can'T Help It okiEs..IT'z not that I WanT to B3 like ThIs EvErytimE I am upSet... BuT Am A still A KiD ...Although I aM Way PasT twelve years old.. ToDay I am NoT Fine...I aM noT gooD...I alWayS Act LikE A iDioT When I am UnHappiE... I Act likE A biG Jerk AnD I always act liKe The whol3 woRlD is suppoSed To Live FEr Me anD Do the thinGs I like insteaD oF the Other Way RounD...I noE HoW Mani pplE HavE Been Upset by thE way I BahavE AnD I noE I hurt manI....I am SoRRie...Although I noe U guYs Won'T Be ReadinG thiZ...but I wanT to tell U guyS I am So soRRie... StupiD..I wanT to chanGe anD I am Trying to....but it's hard...I pRomiSe I Try..I Realli Will...but will u gIvE mE onE chanCe...?...I aM soRRie..I Saw Ur FaCe whEn I saId thoSe woRds that hurt U...I seen iT anD I am SoRRie..soRrie Fer noT UsinG moi Brian Before I speaK.... I noe I hurt U a loT of times.. But I never REalli Felt this Upset... it is the fiRst timE I opEned up My eyes anD saW the HuRt on Ur Face..Maybe iT'S there everytimE I Hurt U..But I aM too Selfish To See iT.. I aM So TiRed..I Cried until mY eyes R pruffY Red... I noe to somE pple...beside the ex 2m1 and 3m1...I seem to that sort who neveR cry... I like to lauGh ...Realli I like to laugh when I am wif mY Friends...beCause..Luffing keeps mE happIe... but To othrs I am A crYinG FreaK..I cried as much as I laugh ..Maybe even moRe...but it's not like I would help it...but it's hard To smil3 all the time... I aM jusT so TiRed now..I think I'll stop fer today...GoinG To Slp...

mOi LiF3

2004-09-07T00:18:00.000+08:00

I noE ..I noE ...I hearD pplE tellinG...I Heard pplE nagginG...so..?...UrggH....I am NoT dumB U noE... Well...iT'S moi mum NagginG again...somTimEs I wonDer Y...WasN'T my mum YouNg OnCe...?..thEn Y Do shE thinK teenaGe loVe pplE NagginG 24 HouRs right at their EarZ...? strang3...maybe ShE waS born oUt Of supernatuRal birth..to Tell U thE TruTh..iF somEboDy tell Me that moi mum Was An ali3n....I WounLdn'T bE much SurPriZe...AniWay ShE wAs alWays NagginG to moi About School WoRk..BiG Deal.... Well...ToDay WenT BaCk To School...HavE fun there...AnD GuEss Wat...? I RealiZe I loSt moi POSB caRd two DayS ago..hehe~~...I never ReaLiSe I WAs bluR Until To the Fact that I Did NoT even Remember where I lost it...haiZx...noW Wat to do leh...BeinG soo Lazi..I did noT even Bother to RepoRt it lost to the baNk.... anD OF CoURse I didn'T tell moi Mum Yet..(^_*)...iF noT I won'T bE bloGGinG Here Right noW...It'S AmuSinG To think Wat Her ReaCtion will bE like Tml When I tell Her that ..haha~~...shE Probably Either HAv3 a Heart AttaCk oR a scReaMiNg FiT...lol.... But Eeek...I got BaCk moi Result Card liao...biG Deal...haha~~..I noE Of A pErson In Moi Class Who Fail 5 Subject...Actualli I thinK the person Was clever...BuT..Well...Too Bad~ he did noT bother to WoRk Hard.... so GuEss wat..I Fail onE suBjEct...wOah...haha~~..buT I am SoOo Happi3....Dun think I am CRazi..well... At Least I pass The 7 other subject riGht...? Wat's ther3's to bE upSet AbouT..?... lol I thinK tml I haD to Go Back to School Fer ChEmiStry Retest...EEk...I hAte it.... I am BeginniG to wonDer... I noE I noE..I am OnE SupErpAthetiC LAZI gurl ...oH my...buT I noe thiS Can'T go on...I noE I havEn'T Been DoinG moi Homework..Haven'T Been reViSinG moi SchoolwoRk...too laZi to Even RepoRt loSt thE Bamnk Card...anD Even Soo LaZi that I even HavE thouGhts to FakE sickness tml...so that I Can slp moRe anD Skip thE Chemistry thinG....I am PathetiC Right..? A hopeless Lazi slacker..haiZx..but SomEtimES I Dun even See The poinT Of HavinG RetesT..I mean I will still Fail the PathetiC rEtest Paper aniWay ..So Y WastE moi 1 houR...?.. I tell U...I am HopEles...anD I guEss aniOnE ReadinG moi BloG anD anionE cloSe to moi KnoW iT le... Wow..AniWay GlaD that holiDaE Was Here..I hAvE waiTed Fer Soo LonG lE to HavE A bReaK...I Wanna Go SHoppinG tml...thEn Go slP later...haha~~...muZ enJoY anD HavE fun RiGth..I Dun LikE to Be so TenSe all the time....lol...buT I noE somE pplE LikE PrAvin Will work hiS BuTt Off Fer thE EnD oF Year ExaminatioN... then somE Bloody Teacher iS goinG to ComParE Us to Him..haha~~..buT iT's not OuR FauLt that he Need to WoRk HiS buTT oFf to Get GooD Result Right...?...Well..U ReaP wat U Sow... All thE Best Fer yA enD oF year ExaminAtion...To All thoSe Who iS ReadinG moi bloG ...anD buAiZbuAiZx....loVE yA...

2004-08-26T21:32:00.000+08:00

SoM3tiMes I dunNo3 to loVe that PersOn oR Hate that person...Lately I felt that I haVe Been Avoiding MySelF..there'S Som3thing I couldn't handle...I jusT coulDn't...I'm soRrie..thinGs been Werid lately..I Just couldn't face things aniMoRe... JuZ NoW I FouGht With Moi sisTa...I dunnoe...w3 just EnDed Up hittinG eaCh other... Y..?..I dun even noE Y..?..w3 jusT Quarrel...beinG thE MoRe emoTioNal one, I pusHed her...then she just Hit m3..then thinGs GonE HaywiRe..She'S in the room now... her dooR closed... then lately a lot of things happened..there's thinGs I am Sad About ..there's things I am HappiE about...but I felt like I have slip away..and is still slipping away slowly... haha~~ I dun even noE wat I am talking about.. TomorroW..it will be another Day ..another Day I havE to wakE Up ..another day I haVe to Do all the things I havE to do...I feel soO d3ad...I feel so tirEd...I aM Pretty upset about everything...I dunnoe.. Then LatelY..Moi Talk to MiN sHi MoRe..:)...haha~~..then We talked non-stop in class... haha~~..Adrain even CallEd Us a "chatterboX"..:P...toO bad lahZx...he dun UnderstanD A guRl's world...haha~~..yeah..then sayInG about Adrian Remind moi about YeW hw33.. FuNni3 guY...Actualli He Veri niCe...:P..always lenD moi stationary...lol...but hoRz alwaYs Get teaSed by moi about his inFamouSe pencil..CauSe HE Us3 his pencil and draw his Geography pRoJect anD he Draw Until like...omigoD..~~...soO chio sia...:P...o.O ....lol..haha~~.. loVe all U guys out therE~~..:P =Fri3nDs4eva=

th3 reFl3tioN iN the mirRoR..anD the pRo baCkstabbers...

2004-08-23T00:01:00.000+08:00

Who R U..?..Just who R U..?..R U Sure U R U..?...R U suRe thE One U R starinG at thE ReflectioN oN thE MiRoR iSh U..?..R U Sure that's U...?...beCauSe I leaRned that Watevea U s33 at thE iN the mirroR ish not U...U R not U..U R noT an Image.. U aRe not a ReflectiOn iN thE miRroR...I am Not ToO~~

CaN U See m3..?..Can U See thE Real me...?...thE girl in the mirrOr ish Not m3...the GiRl ish juSt an Image, A Reflection..but does the girl in thE miRroR feelS th3 waY I Feel... doEs thE Girl in the MiRroR Felt the HeartacHe I felt..DoEs the girl in the MiRroR loVes the Way I loVe..DoEs the Girl in the MiRroR Feels the JoY I Felt...? DoEs The girl in the Mirror Even UnderstanD me..?

No...the Girl in the miRroR noEs Nothing About mE ..shE iSh nothiNg anD She doEs not ComFort mE when I'M Sad..anD She DoEs not lauGh At mY JokEs anD Do not enjoY thE GamEs I plAyeD..But She iSh mE..they Said she ish me...but JuSt Who Am i...An imaGe..A Reflection in the miRroR..?

wEll aniway I got SomethinG To Say..thiZ iS probably the FiRst timE I'm WritinG About mY liFe...U ..YeS ,U...whO R U..? Do U Urself thinK that U're thE person in thE miRror...? thE Reflection anD the ImaGe..?...I hope So I Hope U As SimPl3 aS That..but images tell liEs...they liE as U Lie...

I Remember A story About A Tr33 anD it's rooTs....the tr33 foRgotten about iT's roots.. the rooTs thAT suPPort the Tre3...rememBer ..Watever U do Dun ForGet the rooTs..Well then it ComEs To My minD perharps the tree looks good.. it looks heathy...in Photographs, it's beautiFul..but Wat About it'S RooTs...pErharps the rooTs R DyinG..RottinG anD Ugly...but did the pple noEs...no..they dun..Until OnE Day thE Great tRee Falls...then They SaW iT'S UglyinEss...IT IS UGLY...but pple caRes too muCh About the Tree thEy Saw iN thEir Eyes to CarE about iTs Roots..to Even Try to NoEs wat's the rooTs ish Like...

Well I am asking U...iSh Ur RooTs PrettiEr thAn UR imaGes oR iSh Ur ROoTs UGLY like the grEat tree that falls..?...Well ...If All alonG U think thE PeRson iN thE MiRRoR iSh U..think TwiCE noW..U R not...leaRn to Get to noe UrSelF Better...dun Look At the Person in the miRRoR and think they R U...bEcaUse..iF U look CarefullY...U Might See Urs lyinG, DeceivinG u...Watch Ur BaCk Too~...

I hate pple Who liEd anD BaCkstaB...I make iT CleaR now...I NoE Who U r anD hatEs Ur Guts..Y dun U juSt Come out anD Say it to My FacE..U R WoRst than AniBoDY In thE WorlD..U LoVe PoWer..AuthoriTy..Popularity...anD MonEy..U R NaRroW MiNded...Y dun u open Ur eyes AnD look...?..liFe iSh moRe than that..If U ThinK Ur Image iS impoRtant ..U NeVer Gat A ChanCe to LiVe liFe...unTil U leaRn that Watever OtheRs think About U ish Just FeeDback that meant to Be ReaD AnD ThroW aWay ...GroW up Can u..?

I hatE baCkstAbberS..Y Dun U JuSt ComE Out iF U Have the Guts..?..If U'Re ReaDinG thiS bloG I Tell U Wat I Think about U...U R nothinG..PuRely the Image at thE MiRroR..the Empty ReFlectioN...the NothinGness Who Dun Feelz...but WoRst..U May Be Pretty ..hanDsome...Everything pple enVy...but One thinG I Have to Say iSh Ur RooTs iSh rotting...DyinG..U R fallinG..somE daY pplE Will noE UR RooTS..THEY r UGLY like U R UGLY..ur soul RoTs like Ur rooTs rot...U R DYING likE UR RooTs DyING..plZ..Get A liFe...

StoP MakinG Me Puk3 okie..thiZ ish not the First timE I BeeN BaCkStaB..GO AWAY..I'M Telling U...Y ..?..Y do U Do thiS to M3..?...Y..?...Pruely of JoY oR wat...?...do U LoVe SeeinG Me Being UpSet..?...becauSe iF U R then..soRrie..U KnockinG on the WronG door...I Won'T be..I LiVE My liFe...anD I Live iT wiF Joy...I loVe liFe anD the Girl InsiDe me...U may thinK I am A BitCh..buT at LEast I ShoW all my Ugliness to the WoRlD and Let my RooTs LiVe...iF I Dun Like U..I will ShoW it to u...iF there's ani evil thoughts in mE..I'll ShoW iT Out...I let everythinG Out..But Wat About u..?....U ShoW Ur BEauTy but HiDE everything...

U loVe UrselF too muCh to LoVe otherS ..pple lik U liVes in Ppl3's eyes.. Do U Even have Ani Feelings..?..Or Just like the images, U nothing But an Empty holloW shell...? ..?yeaH..anD Another typE oF pple ..theY Use other pple as steppinG StonE...U Are like thE SavAger....they Wait FoR thEir FooD to be kill anD Eat oFf the Rest...woW..U R like A Cheapskate who loVes leftover...they must be Pretty DeliCiouS to u...

BraiN.Use ur brain...U Heard mE..U May be gooD ..veri gooD At Stepping on pple to RiSe Up...but Listen ..Wat'S make U think that when U RiSe Up..U will Gain Respect...?I won't giVe U ani FoR one..that's BecauSe I GiVe thoSe whoM I thinK DeseRve it..U R somE one I DespiSe...I Might Even Spat at U...Who Do u think U R..?..Look at Ur Own SelF..If U always wanT to Be accepT..to RiSe Up anD to be well-liked...SoRrie..We LoVes Ur image not u...U r a reflection...nothing otherwise..nothing...Go AhEad And RiSe up..Perharps then U will looK better on thE OuTsid3..but do Be Proud oF UrselF..anD PeRharps acT moRe..We loVE Ur Acting..but do giVe Us a call When Ur RooTs finally Can't SuppoRt u...loVe Urself anD Eat the Soil..

soRrie I just WanTed To Vent moi AnGer...EXcus m3....buT I hope those Who ReaD thiS Willnever Go For images...beCauSe they LiEd..

th4t GirL

2004-08-20T22:54:00.000+08:00

I look out oF the wIndow..

I saw tWo Girls stanDinG beside U..

OnE wiF long hair

A cold emotionless expression

On her face..

The other short hair

Her face full of emotions

She is pretty

The total opposite

of the first girl

They both staring at U..

U leaving ,

U said..

“to where..?”

to a place far far away…

U might never come back

She is crying,

The girl wif the short hairis crying

The other stared at U

The same

cold emotionless expression on her face

U’re upset

“Don’t Cry..”

U said to the other girl..

While the girl wif the long hair watched..

U r upset

She would see

But she could do nothing

Frozen on the spot..

The girl wif the long hair watched..

She comfort U

While U confort the other

The Girl wif the short hair

Crying

Crying in Ur arms..

She Watched

FroZen in the spot

Once again ,

The girl wif the long hair watched

U couldn’t see her

Ur eyes glued

On the short hair girl

While she confort the both of U..

She is beautiful

The girl wif the long hair thought

U love her

The girl wif the long hair sees..

She understood

She walk away

U couldn’t see her

She walk away

Ur eyes glued

On the girl wif the short hair

She walk away…

Her face emotion less,

Goodbye,

U couldn’t see her

She knows now

Her face emotionless

She knows now

U love her more

She knows now

She walk away

Would U see her?

Would u see her,

When U finally look away

Or would U never..?

Just as she silently came

She silently walked away…

U once love her

More than anything

Now she walked away

U couldn’t see

Ur eyes glued

On The girl wif short hair

The face full of expressions

But I watched her go

I watched her

as she leaves

Is this how the story end..?

She walked away

I could feel her pain

it was so real

I never felt this lonely before

This is the end

I know now…

I looked out of the window

I saw two people standing together

One was u

The other,

The girl wif the short hair

Ur eyes glued on each other

She is pretty

Where is the girl wif the long hair..?

She was the onE

the onE,

staring out of the window…

FoRgotten

2004-08-16T22:46:00.000+08:00

To all thoSe pplE who havE laid foRgoTten~

and to all those pple that U have foRgotten ...

somEonE u havE onCe love soO deeply...

~forgotten~

Have U Forgotten

All the season

we spent together

all the promise

you have given me

all the love

I have showered U?

HaVe U forgotten

I was there

When Ur days R grey

When U felt like

U would never smile AgaIn

I was there—

Standing by ,

Praying For U ?

HavE u forgotten

All thE promise

We have made together

oUr future

so carefully planned

still the last sunset of our life?

mY dear …

iF u could only remember

when u harden Ur heart

and walk away

when Ur presence

only spell agony

when I watch U

slowly slipped away

wHen I cried out

for U to stop

there was no response

only an empty darkness

A dream crushed

A heart shattered

The message unread

thE tears that fall,

--unwept

but U were gone,

I am

a passing shadow,

a dream

so long ago,

a memory

put away

In Ur heart lies

--Forgotten

2004-08-12T23:35:00.000+08:00

hI~ ToDay WhEn I wenT Out Of ForNt GatE AFter School ..thE first thing I Saw Was the Bright Yellow ShEet...A baD Omen ,they say...Death..FunEral..it iS ObiVioUs in The restricted HDB flats in SinGapoRe...a Furneral Was in The AdmisT...Ermm..just wonderinG..HavE anioNe Of U FelT the strong SenSe Of Death When U GuYs Walk Past it..?...I mEan it'S StranGe..Just imaGine...Within Metres there iS A DeaD boDy CoVerEd Wif ShEet in A CoFfin Near U...just thinK how Often HavE U ComE Upon A deaD body in SingapoRe...?wEll..I guesS all tiZ iS the CreDit of sinGapoRe GoVermEnt..at lEast thEre aRe not A lot oF MuRdering taking Place iN sinGapoRe... Cool arhZx..? Also thEre ish a Saying..EverY end ish A New BeginniNg...then ish thiz TruE For Deathz..?..U Mean when they DiEd will They Actualli Came to A New BeginNing..? But Wat if they WenT to Hell...?...Hell is a PlaCe where soul Are BuRn in An eternal fiRe... they Say Eternal...which Mean iT's foReveR right..?iF iT's foRever...then they say every EnD iS a BeGinniG...thEn They also Say For Every BeginniG there iS an EnD...ErM...iT WaS SaY Soul Burnt in Hell FoRever Right...well...Let Me Rephrase it... iF Death iS an End then it is A BeGinnG...but FoR every beginIng ish An EnD...but they Say Hell Burn foRever which mEan there iSh no enD...then Which Saying iS CoRrecT...?well...maybe time is A noN-existent in HeaVen AnD hell..Maybe iT Onli exist on Earth...oH DeaR... then I wonDer hoW iT FeelS to Be buRn in Hell...doEs the Soul BecomE NumB to PaiN After Burning for so long...? oKiE..I Got An Idea pplE will start To thinK i'M actualli CraZi FoR sayinG all thiZx...but that'z my thoughts...erm..did U GuyS have thoughts like thiZx...?lolzx...loVe aniWayZ~~ LoV3~~

2004-08-08T14:45:00.000+08:00

~I wanT to tell U someThinG MinE iS a lonelY mEssAgE In A boTtle, Storm ToSseD, CasT BY thE Sea at Ur f33t. I KnoW U will Go Ur Own Way. You will NoT bReaK th3 bottle, Much less BreAk thE CoD3~ tOday I SpenT th3 whol3 morniNg and AfternoOn at hom3..well..doinG PractiCallY nohinG...o.O...which WaS FinE wif me...most pple will ProbablY classiFy "DoinG nothinG" as Boring...buT I Say it'S art...I mEan Just How Mani pplE will unDerstANd thE "art Of doiNg nothinG"..?...though an overdose oF DoiN nothinG will PoBablY lead To Pru3 LaziN3ss which WasN'T good for Health I GuEss...buT "doing nothinG" iS an MedicIne..U muSt noe when to tak3 iT anD when noT to...iF U takE it as doCtor pReScriB3z anD takinG iT on tim3...thE effect Of it Will ProbablY be WonDerFul.... anD U Can Even RelEasE StrEss...Cool ArhZx..thE mediCine oF "doiNg nothinG" iSh Fr33..which Mean u dun even HavE to Pay..but Plzx dun think I am CrAzi FoR Saying All thiz...As I havE say it's an Art...iT's up to U HoW U interCepT oR appreciAt3 it... Yea,...and SometimEs I wonDer..Y did good pple suFer..?whY did Bad PplE pRoSPer..?Y did gooD Pple DiEd..?...if thEre iSh goD...then Y..?..Y DoEs All thiZ happen..?...Wat iSh liFe then..?WaT iS iT about thE whole buiSSnEss oF liVing...?...iF there ish no goD thEn where do pplE go after theY diEd...?Isn'T Death iS just EvapoUratinG into nothingnEsS..? iSn'T Death JuSt abouT StoppIng to BrEathe...?...then HoW comE all humans HavE Feelings...?...wat ish thE gooD Of feelinGz...?..They say FeelinGs ComE from HEArT..BUt Is IT TRUe..?...hEART ISH jUsT a PUMpInG mAChINe...A MACHINe THAT kEEPz uS AliVe...then Where did all thiS Feelings comE from..? I hopE someoNe can anSwer mE thiZ QuEstion..I noE SomE will tell me therE ish An answeR to All thiZ QuestIon buT beCauSe Of mY Unbelieve I woulD not Recieve... but ish wat I havE been told tRuE..?I wiSh somEboDy Spritual WoulD Provide Me wiF the ansWer..SoRri If I OffenDe U GuyS ouT thEre in aniway by my msg.. ~Lov3~

Fat3

2004-08-08T12:16:00.000+08:00

Wo®£d iSh Crüε£ £¤Vë iSh BliNd...L¤§T iN §āĐизЅЅ blU®rEd iN Miиđ..Θεά®T iSh BrOkEn FlāмΞ haD diΣd TimE haD Pa§§eD AnD hE'S sti££ n¤T minE..

toDay ~~...I sPenT the WholE Day ReainG...aFter ComInG HomE fRom SchoOl ..oF CouRse... thEn today after SchoOl WeNt oUt WiF SzE Hui..gO CaUsEwaY poInt..thEn EaT loTtaZ Sushi..

TwO WeeKs latEr ..Hill sonG CominG to OuR ChuRch..PerharpS I'll go BaCk then... mAybE oR maybe Not..~~ iT'S stRanGe..I FelT tat I'v3 lost connectioN wiF GoD ever SinCe I stop AttendinG chuRcH...iT'S likE He haS AlReaDy EArsE mIn3 nAmE wiF hiS BiG EaRsEr iN the booK oF liFe...Which..I haVe AlReaDy ExpecteD.."FoR thE WagEs Of siN iSh DeaTh.."...I Kn3w thE ConSeQunCes anD I'M soRrie ...soRRie To God SoRie To Cell GrouP SoRrie to chuRcH anD SoRRie to All thE Leaders that GoD haVe PuT Abov3 m3...I'M soRRi3...iN Actual..I FelT liKe A CrEaTuRe Who Onli DeSeRve DespiSe From the Ppl3..

Yeah..anD Lately LiFe'S tuRninG upsiDe doWn...I FelT LikE A CrEatuRe TraPped iN A GlaSS Jar ..and The GlAss Jar plAyFully TuRn3d UpsiDe DoWn By iT'S OwNer...Who NoE'S.. MayBe We All R like the pplE iN MatriZx..thE WorlD We LivInG right NoW iSh A WoRlD oF Dr3am...MayBe RiGht noW all OF US iSh DrEaminG..anD when We diE.. We will finD OuRsElF WaKiNg Up to A WholE nEw DiFFerEnt woRld..mAyBe liFe'S Is All buT A Dream...

haha~~..I FiNd thiS poEm in A booK I thinK it'S MeaninGful..IT talks About LiFe,FatE in a WholE NeW DiFFerenT PerspectiVe...~~

''Let thE diCinG bEgin,"h3 saId And thE Other AgR33dTo PuT An EnD To the SuspenSe. OuTcomE CoulDn'T bE WoRs3. "whatever haPPenS, W3 still Be FrieNds." So SaiD thE boTh, AnD So Doudt3d thE both. A NeuTral hanD thReW thE DiCe. All WatChEed, Drew Breath, CroWdEd To LooK UpoN thE FatEFul UpTurneD FaCeS Of diCe. "I'M the WiNNer!" He ShouTed, AnD th3 othEr silEnt. Both PreParED foR ThE JouRnEy to EaRtH ThE winnEr thE PrinCe oF WalES, ThE LoSer To ThE BeggaR WomAn OF CalCuttA, ThE HouR OF Birth Was soon.

bY CatheRinE Lim in The BooK "folloWinG ThE Wrong GoD homE"

TiZ PoEm ish aBouT a GoD that PlaYs wiF diCe to dEciDe thE BiRth anD the FatE Of thE peoPle..thE tWo PplE who R PlAyinG thE dIcE R thE ChilDreN NoT Yet BoRn to ThE EaRth..thE winNer oF thE GamE get to HavE all the luXuRy oF thE Earth..the loSer will Be a Child oF beggar...~~ whAt iSh iT thEn thaT DEciDe thE fatE oF thE pplE..?..iSh there Ever A BalanCe Reach throuGh thE LiFe Of thE pplE...? iF thEre is Never A baLanCe WaT iS thE WoRd Call "FaiR"..?...oR PerhaRpS nothinG iS Ever FaiR...there's onli FatE... In thE Short GamE oF diCe ..Ur EnTiRe liFe FatE iS sEalEd...thERe'S no EsCapE buT to SuBmiT tO iT.. To A GoD Who PlaY diCe...